Dear Women,

Today I write this apology letter to all the women out there.

What have I done? Oh nothing.

I just wanted to apologize for a whole sex.

Over the past few weeks I’ve began social network watching how males act after a eye rolling moment via tumblr.

All friends, and even family that are MALE, tend to share a few things in common.

1. They all have the BIGGEST PENISES IN THE WORLD! So big its all they EVER fucking talk about, non-stop. It’s cute really because basic psychology explains this situation rather well. They have a MONSTER cock! ALL OF THEM! I find it rather funny too especially since the average male penis size is 12.9cm. 5.1”. AVERAGE meaning most of the male population falls into that number. Yet, 10 out of 10 male friends have 10 foot dicks.. It’s cute.

2. Did you ever have a boyfriend before? DOESN’T MATTER! WHY? BECAUSE THEY ARE THE BEST AT FUCKING! Yes, every single male out there is the greatest fuck you will ever have! All of them! EVERY LAST ONE! BOW BEFORE THEM AS THEY ARE THE LORD OF SEX.

3. They last forever!  It’s funny cause calculations of sexual time is always off. Average sexual intercourse last less than 12 minutes. With excessive masturbation, steady motions and constant changes in position (Time fillers) at most men can last an average of 18 minutes. SEX is not the act of FOREPLAY, the more Foreplay before sex, the quicker actual intercourse will be. Yet nope! NOT THESE MEN! 10 out of 10 males are ABOVE THIS! They can last for hours upon hours, which is hilarious because they claim they are so rough and fuck so hard! It’s cute really because even at prime physical condition, the act of truly rough sex is so demanding, even going 10 minutes will drain so much endurance out of you, you’ll slow down drastically. Now image an hour plus of rough sex….yah… wait… what am I thinking! These men can do that! 

4. They will kick anyone’s ass. Yes, 10 out of 10 men are the most bad ass motha fuckers in this world! They can beat the shit out of anyone or anything! Hell they do it all the time! Yet what tickles me most is they are over the age of 18….and kick so many peoples asses yet all have no records regarding violence, (Yes, criminal records are so easy to pull up via county sheriffs.) They must fight in a secret underground organization where NO ONE calls the police EVER and violence is done in the most private of locations so no one EVER sees it.

This is the 4 main things I would like to apologize to all women for, I entirely understand why you all are so distant from male interaction. I’m so happy I live a secluded life away from all these men. 

I’m not saying I’m romantic and above these men, but apparently my brain works in a different way.

So again, on behalf of all these AWESOME MANLY MEN! I apologize.

Feb 25. 12 Notes.

Notes

  1. dollywantacracker said: This guy on my FB posted how him and his gf went at it for over an hour and he “got her 4 times!” Four times in an hour, poor woman. If she was masturbating she could have gotten 8-10 in an hour. I wouldn’t have the patience, get it done and move on.
  2. mybellarina said: After 15 minutes of sex I get bored. I won’t lie. I would not want these magical hour long lasting men.
  3. awolfinsheepwool said: This makes me want to delete about 23 of my last 25 pages, even though most are done in humor… FML
  4. bi2pp posted this